Sunday, July 16, 2006

Learning Not to Cook

I'm typing this while I'm watching Hell's Kitchen, and it's just hit me why this show makes me so uncomfortable. It's certainly not because my Mama was abusive, or spent the whole time she was trying to teach me to cook cussing me out. But there is something about this show that makes a connection to the way I felt as a child, trying to learn how to cook.

I know how they feel ....

I could never do it right. My mother was a great cook. Everything she made looked and tasted great, and it was all made from scratch. The harder I tried to make it right, it seemed like it looked or tasted just that much worse. She never fussed, but I knew she wasn't pleased, either.

So ... to this day, I don't like cooking. I can nuke a box in the microwave or heat up an opened can of something, but that's just about it, and I've never really wanted to do any more. My DH does the cooking now that he's retired, and that suits me just fine.

I realize just how snippy this whole post sounds, but I'll have to admit it's exactly the way I felt as a child about cooking, and I still feel that way.

Mama wanted a frilly froo froo little girl, and she just didn't get one. I feel sorry for her now for that, but it's just not who I was. Don't get me wrong, I've always been feminine in my own way, but I was just too much my own person to fit any stereotype.

But one thing I always knew ... she loved me with a love that couldn't have been any bigger if she had tried, and I loved her just as much.

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8 comments:

jan said...

That is really a beautiful tribute to your mother. We all have differences with our mothers. That is the way it is supposed to be. But you harbor no bitterness, no ill feelings. I get so tired of hearing how mothers are responsible for all adult problems and now it takes years of therapy to straighten out some adult who needs to blame someone else.

Dirty Butter said...

Well, I'm relieved, Jan, that it didn't come across as whining about how she had ruined me, because I don't feel that way.

I always loved my Mama, but I really learned to love her the most, while I took care of her during her last years in the grip of Alzheimer's. That was an unexpected gift that God gave me out of a horrible situation.

Chana said...

i'm not the cooking or baking type. my mother was and my sister is..she just loves it...not me..it got lost somewhere...my kids however love it...

we are all different and isn't that a good thing..how boring life would be if we all be the exact same...

Dirty Butter said...

One of our daughters likes to cook and married a man who loves to cook, and the other daughter doesn't care much for cooking. We are all different, aren't we, Chana.

writer said...

i always hated cooking, partly because my mother was so obsessed with it. now, i am finding a healthy balance. i am learning that i don't have to make EVERYTHING from scratch for it to be good.

Dirty Butter said...

At least you did find a balance, writer LOL! That's a better solution than I came up with, I'm thinking, but my DH doesn't seem to mind.

Nichole said...

I feel that way sometimes, especially in regards to cooking. My dad's side of the family owns their own restaurant and it has been in the family since 1967. They make everything from scratch and everything is absolutely delicious. They don't even NEED recipes unless they are teaching another employee. On my mom's side of the family . . . they own a well-known area BBQ chain (Zarda's).

What about me? Well, it still blows them away that I don't know how to make a pie. Or bake bread. Or cook a delicious casserole . . . or cream puffs . . . or bagels. They've tried really hard, but I just don't seem to have the touch that they have. It comes naturally to them.

It doesn't bother me all that much, but I often feel bad for my great grandma because I think she, as well as the rest of the family, thinks its unnatural for me to be a less-than-average cook.

I, personally, think that cakes made from the box taste great!

Dirty Butter said...

Boy, Nichole, I'd hate to have THAT kind of pressure to perform hanging over my head. You must be a very secure person to be able to deal with that kind of uniqueness in your extended family, without it bothering you. My hats off to you.

Hey, ANY food I don't have to cook tastes GREAT!!

PS. I followed you name URL to see what kind of blog you had. What kind of site is that???