Sunday, December 03, 2006

Determined Not to Have an Only Child

I am an only child, and I had two first cousins, both only children. The three of us made a pact, somewhere in our childhood, that we would never do that to another kid. We promised each other that we would have more than one child when we grew up. My older cousins followed through with their part of the bargain, but it looked like it might not be so easy for us, under the circumstances.

By the time our little one had been with us a few months, we decided we'd better start the process of applying for adoption again, because there was no telling how long it would take to get another baby. Abortion had been legalized by then, so babies were no longer so easy to adopt. The decision was made to wait until the holidays were over and, when the New Year came, we'd apply.

So you can't even begin to imagine our surprise when I came up pregnant in January!!! Me, the one who wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant, according to the leading fertility specialist in Birmingham, Alabama! But pregnant I was, and I carried that pregnancy to full term. I was in full glory, with my big belly.

Of course, it wasn't too easy, as I was also taking care of a small baby at the time, but I managed just fine. Did we love our adopted baby any less, because we were expecting one of our own flesh and blood? Goodness me NO!!

So, in a matter of 15 months, we had two gorgeous little girls, who grew into two beautiful women. We considered both of them to be Gifts from God, specially given for us to nurture and raise in the admonition of the Lord.

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30 comments:

Chana said...

you have two wonderful and beautiful daughters. God's gifts to you..one that needed you and was born for you and the other that grew out of you. specialists are just humans, they often forget that mind you but that is all there is about it..docs are often so sure and really the only one with answers is God. and He is the one who decides and chooses..

i love this post hon..what a beautiful thing to read of a mother who loves her daughters so much..

Dirty Butter said...

Chana, you couldn't be more right. Specialists don't know everything, that's for sure. And when God chooses a path for a family, man's medicine is not going to get in the way. And for that my DH and I are eternally grateful.

jan said...

I have heard this SO many times that a couple who finally adopt a baby will soon afterward get pregnant. There must be a scientific reason for this to happen. I realize that science can't explain everything, but still.

Lovely post.

Dirty Butter said...

My own explanation, Jan, is that we quit trying, and that took the pressure off. Maybe not a scientific explanation, but that might have been it. But it's also true that I only was pregnant one other time ever, and I lost that one. So our only "natural" child is just as much a Gift from God as our "adopted" one is.

Janey Loree said...

DB, this is a wonderful post about family. I do believe in miracles and God gave you two! I am visiting from the Blog Village Goes Gonzo Carnival!!!

JAM said...

Great story. I had a friend whose wife was told the same thing. They tried for ten years, stopped trying, bought a puppy, and THEN she got pregnant.

You're blessed!

(I'm visiting from the Blog Village Goes Gonzo Carnival.)

Dirty Butter said...

Miracles they both are, Jan!! And thanks for reading through everyone's BLOG VILLAGE Family Carnival entries, too! I'm sure everyone will appreciate your visit as much as I do.

Dirty Butter said...

I've heard of this happening, too, JAM. Would you believe my Mama and Daddy waited 10 years and had already put in for adoption, before they had ME???

Skittles said...

What a wonderful story :)

Dirty Butter said...

I knew right away that this would be the entry I would use, unless several people suggested something else, which they didn't.

I agree, Skittles, it is a wonderful story!!

Marsha said...

I was adopted after my parents tried for years to have a baby. They also adopted my biological older brother out of foster care, we were both older kids at the time of our adoptions, 7 and 11. My mom also got pregnant and gave birth to my little brother after adopting us. They had initially intended on one child but ended up with three of us.

Heather in Beautiful British Columbia said...

Beautiful story - thanks for sharing :)

Janie Hickok Siess, Esq. said...

Hello, my fellow "Carnie" --

Great post! That happened to a friend of mine . . . they had the adoption all arranged & then she found she was pregnant. Like you, both kids were welcomed and loved.

Interesting perspective about only children. My husband was an only chld and never minded.

Tomas said...

Congratulations. your joy is my joy, and that explains the secret of the vitality of our big family.
Being not alone enables the love to spread the whole earth

Stjernesol said...

Aw... How wonderful!

I say, never say never ;)

I too, am an only child and can totally understand where you're coming from!

Dirty Butter said...

I can't imagine what it would be like to adopt an older child, let alone TWO!! You are fortunate, Marsha, to live in a family with several siblings. I don't recommend being an only child to anyone.

Dirty Butter said...

Thank you, Heather. I've told this story many, many times to whoever will listen. I really do believe they are both Gifts from God!!

Dirty Butter said...

It seems to be a common occurrence for the mom to get pregnant right after an adoption, Janie. I'm glad your hubby didn't mind being an only child, but I wished I had brothers and sisters. I've been the primary care giver for my Mama, who has since passed away, and for my Daddy. If it weren't for a wonderful husband, I would not have been able to do it as an only child.

Dirty Butter said...

You're right, Tomas. I would love to have a large family to share our joy with, but I don't. So, I guess all my blogger friends are my extended family, right??

Joy and Peace to you, Tomas!!

Dirty Butter said...

Hello, fellow only child! Do you have more than one child, Stjernesol?? It would be interesting to see some statistics on how many only children have only one child when they grow up.

Naomi said...

What a lovely story. My Mum and Dad were both "only ones" (no brothers or sisters) and always said they didn't want me to be like that. Their story was similar to yours. Doctors told my Mum she couldn't have any more children after she had me. My parents were considering adoption and then my Mum got pregnant with my brother. My Mum always says it was a nice surprise.

RUTH said...

One of our daughters so longs for a child; I hope your story will be an inspiration to her and to others. You have been blessed with 2 beautiful children....and they have been blessed with loving parents.

Merry Mama said...

Thank you for sharing that D.B. I fell asleep last night, exhausted from school and job hunting, so I missed the carnival!!. I'm catching up.

This was a precious post and I needed to read it. There was a time when I didn't take six kids for granted... money problems and mounds of dirty diapers later, I'm not always thankful, but i know some day I will be. It's really good to read your perspective.

Dirty Butter said...

So your parents didn't like being only children, either, Naomi? And your Mum had trouble getting pregnant. Makes me wonder if there are a large number of parents of only children who wanted more, but couldn't get pregnant easily.

Dirty Butter said...

We consider ourselves to be very fortunate indeed, Ruth. I cried and became totally miserable every month. And when a friend would start showing, it was all I could do to be around her.

We used the basal thermometer so long that we were both sick of it. And having doctor's appointments determine when we had sex was about as unromantic as it gets. It was only when we put all that stuff away, became totally engrossed in our new baby, and quit pressuring ourselves, that nature took its course.

Dirty Butter said...

Well, after having two so close to the same age, I can certainly understand why six would not always feel like a blessing, Merry Mama!

I'm very thankful to be on this side of the terrible two's and their teen-aged years. You may have to wait quite a while before you have enough time to really enjoy them. LOL!

LJP said...

What a wonderful story!! You are blessed indeed!

Here for the Blog Village Carnival

Dirty Butter said...

Thanks, LJP! I agree that we are BLESSED!

Thanks for stopping by from the Carnival, too.

Linda said...

I have been a bit (a lot!) slow in getting around to some of the Blog Carnival entries! While I was reading this post I thought of my cousin who was told that she could never have children and then ended up pregnant at 34 with her daughter Elizabeth! The Lord does move in mysterious ways!

Congratulations on being the parent to two beautiful daughters!

Dirty Butter said...

You're not the only one who's being slow about getting around to all the Carnival entries. I'm trying to look at a few each night, so I can not only read and comment on that one, but read more of the blog, comment if I want, and also vote for the blog. I'd rather do it that way than rush through.

I've always heard of women getting pregnant after adoptions, but with me it really was a miracle. I only had one other pregnancy, ever, without using any protection after the first year of marriage. And that pregnancy miscarried by 4 months. So the natural daughter really is just as much a gift as the adopted daughter.